Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). To recognize DVAM, we are sending a recap of some recent stories we have been following related to domestic violence:

• An article on the rate of women murdered by men according to the Washington, DC - based Violence Policy Council, which ranks states based on crime data submitted to the FBI.

• An article out of New Zealand, where a battered woman used her car to run over a man who had an extensive history of abusing her.

• An article, also covered extensively on local news outlets, detailing a tragic murder-suicide in Sacramento, CA.

• An appearance on the new Katie Couric show  by Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell who discussed the issues of dating violence along with Sharon and Lexie Love -- the mother and sister of Yeardley Love, the college student who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend.

We’ve also been closely following the heroic efforts to re-authorize the Violence Against Women Act. Last month, VAWA celebrated its 18^th anniversary. We were pleased with the statement released by Vice President Biden commemorating the anniversary and highlighting the importance of passing a strengthened VAWA as soon as possible.

We are also pleased to see the many events currently being promoted on Facebook and Twitter to recognize DVAM.  But we would like to hear from you.  What are you planning in your local community to raise awareness about domestic violence? 

A Learning Experience...

As a community educator for a rape crisis center, I often went to other social service agencies to give awareness presentations on sexual assault. I remember a specific presentation that I gave at a local domestic violence shelter, to several women living in the shelter.

I was trained as a dual sexual assault/domestic violence advocate. I have answered hundreds of crisis line calls related to domestic violence, and responded to victims at the hospital who were sexually assaulted by an intimate partner. I knew the facts, but nothing could have prepared me for sitting with those women, many of whom had just arrived at the shelter.

I knew going in that I needed to have a different strategy from my usual presentation. I always knew there would be a handful of sexual assault survivors in any group I presented to, whether they disclosed or not. With this group, however, I knew many, if not most of them, would have histories of sexual violence – but they may not have identified it yet. I didn’t want to be offensive and come in as the “expert,” when they were the actual experts of what it meant to survive domestic and sexual violence.

It was a small group, with about 10 women. One woman had just arrived a couple of days before, and she had a lot of bruising on her face, as well as a black eye. I was startled at first, because most of the sexual assault victims I provided advocacy for didn’t have visible injuries -- certainly not to that degree.  Other women had been there in the shelter longer, and there was a natural mentor/mentee feel among the women in the room.

As this was an educational setting, and I am not a therapist, I had to be mindful to not let our time together turn into a group therapy session. I wanted to give them information in a safe, comfortable way, so I made the decision to “throw away” the traditional script I used for most presentations (including the obnoxious quiz we used back in those days), and just talked with these women. I offered a place for sharing their personal experiences, which in turn helped them better understand some complicated aspects of sexual assault. An hour flew by, and none of us wanted the conversation to end.

This was a great experience for me, and I certainly hope it was for those women. I may not have fully realized it at the time, but the fact that I remember it several years later tells me I took a lot away from it. I believe it made me a better educator, because I was able to really evaluate my audience and tailor the presentation to what they needed to know, not what I thought they needed to know. It also made me a better advocate, because it gave me the opportunity to be in their environment, to see how they lived, and what the adjustment into shelter was like.

The relationship between the two agencies continues today, with a strong focus on collaboration and cross-training. Do you have a similar story of collaboration between two social service agencies to share?

Who Makes a Difference? By Guest Blogger Detective Billy Dotson, KCPD

Situation: Officers get dispatched to a Domestic Violence call. This is the 3^rd time this month going to the same address.

Officer’s perspective: “Wow, here we go again, Baby mama’s drama! Why can’t she just leave? This is getting old. Someone is definitely going to jail!” When the officers arrive at the house, they take the suspect into custody, and give the victim information how to get an order of protection.  They may or may not take the victim to a shelter or hospital. Afterward, they complain about the fact that they have to keep going back to that address over and over and wonder why she doesn’t just leave. They then continue on working, not really thinking about the incident or what impact they had on the victim.  Just another day!

Victim’s perspective: I am six years old.  It’s a Friday, and all day during school I wonder if my dad is going to be drunk when I get home from school.  When I got home from school, he wasn’t there! I went outside to play, but in the back of my mind I was wondering: when he will get home? Is he drunk again? Maybe he just got called into work, or maybe he won’t come home at all. I wonder this until it’s time for bed.

It’s bedtime now. My mom is reading me a story in my bed. All of a sudden I hear the crunching sound of gravel under tires. He is home! My heart stops, my blood rushes throughout my body, and my breathing picks up. My first instinct is to hide, but where? He found us under the bed last time. My mind begins to race; maybe he is in a good mood, maybe he will not be mean! Self preservation kicks in and I run and jump behind the couch with my eight year old brother.

I hear the door kick open, and the smell of alcohol and cigarettes fill the room. This smell has been cemented with negative thoughts in my head.  My legs start to shake, and I think: if only I was bigger I could do something! I hear the slurred yell of, “Where is everyone?” Nobody answers. I wonder; where is mom? I hope she didn’t hide in the closet, he found her last time when she was in the closet. I hear, “What the hell are you hiding for?” My eyes cinch tightly hoping he isn’t looking at me. I cover my head with my hands and curl up in the tightest ball possible. Maybe if I can’t see him then he can’t see me!

I then hear the unmistakable sound of bone hitting bone. My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach. That’s my mom!  I try to move, I need to protect her but I can’t because I am afraid. I pray to God that he stops beating her and he passes out.  I hear a drunken voice yell, “If you leave me I will kill you all!” and “Don’t even think about calling the cops because they won’t believe you. I am the man and they will believe me!”

BOOM, now I hear the hollow thud of a head hitting the wall. Screams of pain fill the air splitting my soul!  In the back ground I hear sirens. Please God make them hurry. Then everything goes quiet. Did he kill her, I wonder.  I pray my mom is not dead. I hear my dad say, “You better not say a word or I will kill you when he leaves!” I hear a knock on the door and a policeman announces himself. Oh no!  Dad said the police would not believe mom. 

The door comes open. I hear a scuffle. “Stop resisting! Stop resisting”! It gets quiet again. I hear a familiar voice: “Come on out boys, it’s okay now!” It’s the same policeman who came to the house the last two times this happened. I start to breathe easier now. I know the police officer has made it safe! The officer asks me if I am okay. I say yes as I look away in shame. He replies, “It is okay he is gone!” The officer continues to speak with my mom and then leaves.

My mom gathers me and my brother up and holds us with her battered body while saying, “it’s okay boys, he is gone!” Knowing that he is gone, I can almost go back to normal. I can sleep now because I know he will be gone for a couple of days.

That policeman was my lifeline! He did not say much, but he left an impression on me that I will never forget. To this day, I could pick out his voice from a crowd of a thousand people, yet I had very little conversation with him. He treated us with respect and showed us kindness we never knew. That police contact has forever changed my life. I don’t know if that officer will ever realize the impact that he had on me. I imagine after those calls he went to the station, wrote his reports and went home, never really thinking about it.

Now that I am a police officer, I realize the power and the responsibility that comes with routine interactions with people.  This “routine interaction” changed my life forever. Now imagine how many people you can have had contact with over the years as a police officer. How many lives will you have a positive impact on? The truth is, you might not ever know, but I know, because it happened to me! 

VAWA Days of Action

From National Task Force to End Sexual and Domestic Violence Against Women:

We need to push Congress to act on VAWA before it’s too late! 

Here are some actions you can take on June 26^th:

ACTION 1: Please contact House and Senate leadership with this message:

I urge you to pass a bipartisan VAWA reauthorization bill, like S.1925, that protects ALL victims of violence-doing nothing is not an option. VAWA has positively impacted me/my community in the following way: _______________.  By reauthorizing a bipartisan VAWA reauthorization bill like S. 1925 that protects all victims of violence, VAWA programs and services can continue to serve victims and make our communities safer.

·         Speaker John Boehner (R-OH),  (202) 225-0600

·         Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA),  (202) 225-4000

·         Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA),  (202) 225-0100

·         Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV),  (202) 224-3542

·         Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY),  (202) 225-2541

·         Chair of the Democratic Conference Senator Chuck Schumer,  (202) 224-6542

ACTION 2: Participate in the national week of action for VAWA!

On June 26^th, a rally on Capitol Hill will launch the national VAWA Days of Action campaign that will last until July 4^th.  We call upon you to organize vigils, rallies and local actions in your communities and at your Congressional District offices to tell Congress that victims cannot wait and a VAWA that mirrors S. 1925 must be reauthorized. Now is the time to show Congress how important VAWA is to victims, survivors and advocates across the country.  Organize your members, friends, families and everyone you know who cares about domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking to stand up and speak out.  Start your local planning efforts today!

You can follow the National Task Force on twitter at @NTFVAWA and “like” their Facebook page where you can find a toolkit and other action and information items. Don’t forget to tweet about VAWA using the hashtags #ReauthorizeVAWA, #RealVAWA and #VAWA.

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